To my favorite revolutionary

Today marks Toto's 12th year death anniversary and I want to tell her story. Our story.

When Toto died I was in 4th grade and a lot of statements were given to the press from our family. However, since we were young (my cousins and I) our version was not known. Now, that I am all grown up and before I am all too old, I want to share my version of the events.

It was September of 1998, I just got home from school and Nanay said that Toto was injured in an ambush by the 12th Infantry Batallion of the Philippine Army. As a kid, I did not react. I do not remember feeling any fear nor sadness. For me, this is normal. Having revolutionaries as family members, it's only normal that once in a while one of them will get shot, caught, imprisoned or hunted down. But it never crossed my mind that one of them will die, I know I have been oriented many times that this can happen, again though, I was a kid and I believed in happily ever afters.

Back then I believed that we will win the revolution in a few years time, without that much drama and me and my family can live in bliss. I do not read Marx and Mao back then so my theories were a little hazy. :)

We gathered supplies - medicine, food, clothing, anything that we can send to Toto for a faster recovery. We know that Toto will not be able to come home right away. We know that it was too dangerous and that she has to stay in the mountains until it is safe to come home and maybe get proper medical treatment. We wrote her letters, telling her that we love her and that we are here for her and that she should stay strong, for us, for the people.

A few days later, it was late at night or early morning. Nanay Jo and Tatay Willy visited our house, I was already asleep and was too groggy to wake up and greet them properly. Then I heard my Nanay wail, like a wounded animal. The sound was so loud and so horrific that I woke up. I saw Nanay on the floor sobbing, I asked Tatay what was wrong and he said: "Nothing, go back to sleep."

The next day when I woke up Nanay was gone. Tatay said she went to Antique, Tatay said she went there to get Toto, to bring her home. He said Toto is gone. I did not react.

Everything was a blur after that. It was all over the news, from newspapers to radio shows to local television, it was mad. Black propaganda was used to taint the image of the New People's Army, lies were made to taint the image of my Aunt, statements were released, different versions of the encounter was blaring out of the radio, a personal letter from Joma was delivered, death threats towards the media... and in the middle of all of these, we waited patiently for Toto to come home.

My family was busy arranging everything so that when Toto arrives, everything would be ready. One night, everyone gathered at St. Therese, a truck pulled up in front. I saw Nanay, and for the first time since the day I found out that Toto has been shot, I felt pain mixed with sadness. I realized that I'll never see Toto again. The pain was excruciating, and I ran to the nearest person for comfort - Tita Chit. She saw me crying, hugged me tight, told me it's okay and cried along with me.

When Toto arrived she was already decomposing and Nanay said she didn't have a face anymore. After she died, she was buried by her lover. (Tito, we will always be grateful for what you did) She needed to be buried because the AFP was looking for her/her body. They made sure that the area was surrounded so that no-one can go to the city without being seen. They questioned the people living in the neighboring Barangays. They wanted my Aunt's corpse but comrades and the masses protected her.

We had a short close-casket wake. We needed to bury her right away. Toto's body was wrapped in a white cloth. Then, her upper part was dressed in a red camisa tsino and her lower part was covered by a malong. A parangal was held. Comrades offered songs, a painting, poems, dances, a carved wooden clench fist, flowers, candles, solidarity messages and other types of support. 3 red flags decorated my Aunt's wake.

On her burial day, to honor her, her coffin, draped in red was raised above the shoulders and was marched from the church to the cemetery. She was carried by comrades. We all wore red camisa tsinos and we all marched. At the cemetery, someone yelled: "Si Toto napatay sa lupok, Si Toto pasidunggan sang lupok." Guns came out of nowhere, shots were fired and her tomb was sealed.

Toto is now a martyr.

P.S.

Will write another entry, this time, my memories of her, alive. :)

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September Madness

It is the end of the first Ber Month and sadly I have written only five entries. I wanted to write more but unfortunately for me, September was absolutely hectic. So, I am writing this entry as an update and as tribute to September.

First of all, I am now officially 22 years old. So yeah, thanks for that, I guess. (Not exactly sure) I had a very peaceful birthday. There was no celebration and there were no food, my family weren't here, my boyfriend had school activities, I was flat broke... the list goes on and on and on... Haha!! :D

But I was happy and certain things happened that made up for my lousy birthday. One is that, I had so many birthday greetings. (Thank God for Facebook... hehe!) There were private messages, chat messages, wall postings, text messages and calls. It made me all fluffy inside. Awwww.. :) Next is that my Sister once again made it to the TOP TEN which is no lousy feat since she's attending SPED. I was able to receive presents, yay!! :)) Lastly, I have a new job. A regular one so once again - yay!! :))

September also gave way to a lot of activities, activities that I was able to attend. So, it gave me a chance to hang-out with friends and once again bond with family. I have been cooped up for far too long and I'm happy and glad that I'm once again back on my feet. There are still adjustments to be made and admittedly there are still a lot of screw ups but I'm positive, things will work out oh so fine. :)

I was right on when I said that September was a month to look forward to and now it has come to an end. So, here's to you oh so faithful month! Cheers! May next year be more fruitful! :D

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literature

When I wrote my last entry, I said I'll make another post about books. So, here I am making a new one and this time I'll be talking about literature. Yay! :)

I love books, ever since I was child. I'm not into deep reading though. I prefer light and uncomplicated books. So I guess most people would think that my list is shallow but what the hell, to each his own, people! Somebody stop me! Haha! :D

So let's start off with the award-winning ones. Everybody reads them, I actually think that award-winning books are pretty mainstream. Personally, I love 100 Years of Solitude, The Color Purple, and The Good Earth. Marquez's magical realism is genius, there's no other way to put it. I can't really describe it but the way it was written was just plain perfect. Walker's journal-ish book was out of the box and for me one of a kind. I haven't read anything like it, before or after. Buck for me deserves some praise, she isn't Chinese after all. So, kudos for the emotion.

Now for the Classics. I don't read that much classics, mainly because I don't fully understand most of them. Hehe... :) But I do love the following: Sherlock Holmes (the complete volume 1 and 2), To Kill a Mockingbird, The Curious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, The Secret Garden and Little Prince. I read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde when I was 13 and I found it very entertaining. It's like a sci-fi movie in paper. Nyahaha! :D Sherlock was surprisingly fun and light. It's fast-paced and perfect for the young at heart. It's hard not to like Little Prince and Mockingbird since almost everyone can relate to it. Even my 6-year old sister loves Little Prince.

As for series, I like Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, Anne of Green Gables and Winnie the Pooh. Oh yeah, there's a series about Pooh's life and a big chunk of my childhood was spent reading them. When Christopher Robin went to school and left Pooh, I actually cried. I read about Anne's life from the day she was adopted to the day of her first love. It was fun and I was attached to the series. I was so attached I got depressed when I read the final chapter of the last book, it didn't help that it was filled with adult sentiments about her childhood. [sigh] Who hasn't read Narnia and Potter? It's filled with magic and adventure, for a kid like me, they're hard to resist. :)

For books that I can't quite label, I have the following: The Stories of Eva Luna and The Woman Who Walked Into Doors. I both love them and I cried while reading the two. The Stories of Eva Luna was the first book I read by Allende and Roddy Doyle's novel was such an eye opener and at the same time depressing. o_o Oh and yeah, I also like An Interview with the Vampire. Rice's description towards blood is so romantic it made me nauseous. (meaning, it was THAT good)

For pocketbooks, I'm a big fan of Nancy Drew!! Yes, I think I've read about a hundred of them. Hehe... I can honestly say I read all Nancy Drew books from IBAM when I was in grade school. Until now I still read them whenever I get the chance.

For text/political books, I like Selected Works of Mao Tse Tsung Volume 1, Philippine Society and the Revolution, The Cartoon Guide to Genetics and that book about Jose Maria Sison's life, I can't remember the title. I like volume 1 because it's the lightest, literally and figuratively. It talks about the simplest issues and it's the thinnest out of the 5 volumes. (H says there's only 4 volumes but I have a 5th one, in hard bound so - *shrug*) PSR because well, I'm tibak. There's no other way to explain it. Joma's autobiography because I read it when I was skipping school and I was sort of happy that Joma got kicked out when he was in his 2nd year in high school.

When my Nanay got angry because of my absences, I would use Joma as a response right away - "Si Joma gani, galigoy man. He turned out alright!" I know, I know, pretty lame but you can't really blame me, blame puberty. Haha! :D The genetics book because it was hilarious! It was epic and I was very surprised to have enjoyed a science textbook.

What else? Ah, Filipino literature. I like Dekada 70 and MacArthur. I honestly believe Bob Ong deserves an award.

So, I guess that's about it. Listing every book I've ever read is impossible. I apologize if I didn't give much justice to the following literary pieces. I didn't want to sound like total douche by giving super deep insightful critiques. Besides, that was not the point of this whole entry. Lastly, I also read books by mainstream authors but I'm not a big fan of them so I didn't bother listing them here.

So, what do you guys think? Too shallow? Too deep? To bah... Let me know, drop your comments in my comment box! Thanks! :)

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comedy

I got this idea from a fellow blogger named Tyler Cowen. You can check out his blog by clicking here.

According to Tyler Cowen comedy is subjective and I agree with him. Our culture is so diverse that what's funny in Europe can actually be just plain 'ol sarcasm in America. Anyway, since I believe what I find funny might be mundane for others, like Cowen I will say this - this is not a recommendation but if you're feeling adventurous, go ahead and check them out.

Today, I will write about what's funny for me. May it be books, situations or tv series. So, let's begin...

First of all, I'm a big fan of sarcasm. I love satire and dry humor. I know, I should have lived in Britain instead of the Philippines. While I was growing up, most of my friends never did appreciate my humor or wit for that matter. I was labeled weird and a freak, a label that I eventually grew fond of and was eventually proud of. Funny how things work out because now, freaky is in! I am "in" baby! Haha! :D

When it comes to TV series, I like Two and a Half Men. It's quite famous and very mainstream. I love it because the lines are witty, it's not censored (bastos to the max!) and it's light. No deep-pyscho-philo-intellectual bs. I also find House and Supernatural funny. I know that they are not listed under comedy but I love the lines and the lines are what's important, right? The Nanny and The Thin Blue Line are classics. We also have good 'ol children shows. Animations (that are not for kids) are of course also funny. We have South Park and The Simpsons.

Movies are a little harder. I find Amelie and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy funny. Most will not agree but those movies made me laugh and all light inside. They're what you call feel-good movies. Animations of course made it to my list but listing them all would be a pain. I find light films funny, examples are: Only in New York, Dumb and Dumber, Old Dogs, Chicago, Rat Race and the like. However, for the life of me I do not like spoof movies. I find it dumb and just plain lame.

For TV shows that are not necessarily series, I like: The Soup and The Ellen DeGeneres Show. Filipino shows are very hard to appreciate. Sometimes I just don't dig Filipino humor. [sigh] However, I love: Going Bulilit, Bubble Gang and Banana Split. Admittedly, I don't watch them often but when I do, I find it funny and well - passable.

For some reason, I don't find books funny. I tried to recall books that made me laugh and I can't remember any. I'll make another entry regarding books then maybe you can tell me if some of them were actually funny. I might have failed to see/appreciate it.

Comics on the other hand are fantastic here in the Philippines. I absolutely adore Pugad Baboy and Kiko Machine Komix! Haha! :D I believe no one can compare to those two. Hehe...

In the internet, I like youtubers' Michael Buckley of the What the Buck Show, Toby Turner of Tobuscus, Davedays and Nigahiga. I enjoy bloggers' like Jessica Zafra (now that I think about it, Twisted Series are funny!), Okrayero and The Professional Heckler.

Stand up comics are sometimes fun. I haven't seen an actual show by famous comedians but I have seen a local one and I didn't really enjoy it that much. Here in the Philippines I like stand up comics when they mimic politicians. I find it absolutely entertaining. ;p

So, what do you guys think? Tell me!! ^_^

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My very own vampire.

I just love the title. It's very catchy, isn't it? Hahaha... :) I hope this title might help spike up my site meter. [smirk]

Everyone seems to associate vampires to love ever since the Twilight Saga. When someone says vampire, Edward Cullen springs to mind. So, I am getting involved in the Twilight Frenzy, again in order to spike up my site meter.

I have my very own vampire. My own version of Edward Cullen and he's the love of my life. In today's entry I'm going to tell our story as best as I can and I don't care if I make someone barf in the process. [bleh]

My vampire's name is Henden but everybody calls him H. We met last April of 2004 and he started courting me June of the same year. Our relationship, like any other had a rocky start and I'm glad it did. We learned so much from our problems and those lessons made our relationship much much stronger. Anyway, enough with the cheesy stuff. I want this entry to be funny and hopefully entertaining. Haha! :D

So, here's a collection of our many experiences. Enjoy! ^_^

We used to go on regular dates. This is normal for baby relationships and like any normal couple we also watch movies. One time, we watched King Kong. It was such a lousy movie that a few minutes into it, H started a discussion about dinosaurs. He talked about possible theories on how the species became extinct and he talked about his favorite type of dinosaur. As I recall he likes raptors. I know, geeky right? Haha! :)

Henden is a dork, a geek and a nerd. In a bourgeoisie's eyes, he is uncool but in my eyes, he's HOT STUFF and no one can tell me otherwise. [smirk]

Geeky discussions from H and weird discussions from me (mainly about art and literature), is our idea of a perfect date. He would talk and I wouldn't understand a thing, I would talk and he wouldn't appreciate a thing and we would be perfectly happy and content. We are total opposites and we like it that way. We learn from each other, there is always something new to talk about and we were never bored of each other's company.

Enter the fights. We fight just like any other couple out there. We scream, sometimes we make scenes, we pout, cry, we get jealous, angry, hurt and most of all, we make mistakes. Lots and lots of them. :) There was one fight early in our relationship that I can never forget...

We were at St. Paul's Hospital visiting a friend. I can't remember exactly what happened but yeah, eventually a fight broke out. We were young (college young, hehe) and we were petty so tempers rose and both of us weren't open for compromise. I want his balls and he wouldn't give them to me. [smirk] He was wearing slippers that I bought. Out of anger I broke up with him and demanded that he return the slippers to me at that very moment. He took off the slippers, gave them to me and walked out. I took the slippers and threw them in the garbage can.

A few minutes later, I wasn't angry anymore. I texted him and convinced him to go home with me. We walked along Gen. Luna while waiting for an Oton to pass by. He was barefoot and a lot of people were staring at him. I felt bad, guilty so, I took off my Havaianas and walked barefoot alongside him. He was touched and soon we were laughing our ass off. People stared but we didn't care, we were inlove. :)

Henden is an awesome boyfriend. People might think this is cheesy but to each his own, right? I think my guy is great and I'm sure you think your guy is great as well so, peace! ;p Anyway, he's awesome because he opened my eyes to science, made magnets float on top of each other (seriously, it was awesome), helped me become a better individual (pol and otherwise), he leaves me secret messages, he prepares surprises, he gives me sweet nothings as gifts, he does household chores (from laundry to cooking to cleaning, you name it!), he works hard not just for me but for my family (financial wise) and lastly he's good to my family which is why my family ADORES him.

On the 21st, we would be celebrating our 6th anniversary and although our relationship is as screwed up like any other relationship out there, here's to us, my love! Cheers and I LOVE YOU! ♥

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pap pa ra pap pa... poverty.

Today's entry is going to be a little serious but it's something that I feel I must write about. It's an issue that has affected me since childhood and I hope that by writing about it, I will be able to let go of certain hung-ups that has controlled a part me.

I can definitely say that I grew up from a poor family. This is despite my family's well-off background. My Nanay and Tatay decided to become full-time NGO Workers way back when they were in college. As a result my parents did not have the usual salary. What they have is an allowance, good enough for their operational expenses.

Let me clear the air first. I am not bitter and I do not blame my parents for their decisions. It is true, I did experience hell due to poverty (which is the main reason why I am writing this entry in the first place). However, if I was given a chance, a choice to change this part of my life (financial set-up), I will not think twice and say: "Na-ah, not a chance!" Haha! :D

These are my encounters. This is poverty for me.

I've never lived in a house that is our own. We pay rent and over the years we kept on moving from one house to the next. This for me is the worst part of being poor. I used to live in a squatters area in Lapaz and every time there's heavy rain, it would flood. Flood in that neighborhood is hell. Imagine, black water with floating poop inside your living room. Fights almost every night and politics within the Barangay is a major pain. There was once a time wherein we couldn't buy water (nawasa) because the holder of the key locked the bloody gate. He said he wasn't earning enough money. No one stood up to him because he was a Barangay official. [sigh] Poverty for me means not being able to build a home because poverty will eventually find a way to mess things up.

When I was little there was a time when funds were so low even meals were budgeted. It was so low I had to eat rice with salt and nothing more. Yes, the typical movie-drama-ish scenes that you see in poverty porn, I've actually lived it. It went on for about a week. Then there was a time when boxes of 555 sardines were donated to the organization. Again, funds were low so we were not able to buy food other than rice. So, for about a month we ate sardines from breakfast to dinner. Nanay was so sick of sardines that even until now she avoids it. Haha! :D I on the other hand developed love towards it and consider it one of my many favorites.

Have you ever missed school because you do not have any money for jeepney fares? I have. I was happy of course, I was a kid and like any other kid, missing school is a treat. Hehehe... :) The next day when the teacher asks why was I absent, I would whip up some lie, like a fever. When you're young it's a little hard to put up a brave face while admitting poverty in front of your teacher and school mates. Most of us, including me, were once embarrassed. Mainly because society has this twisted notion that poor people deserves their situation, because they do not work hard enough to uplift their social strata.

Have you ever walked home after school because you were not able to stop yourself from buying snacks during recess? Because you were too hungry and the only money you have left is your jeepney fare home? I have and it's actually quite fun as long as it's not raining. I used to walk home with friends. We would cross an old bridge made from an old railway and we would be laughing all the way.

I have many more memories that shows poverty but this entry is already long and most of you might find it as a bore. Anyway, as you can see for every hell that I went through, I always gain a positive experience in return.

For me and for many others, poverty is the lack of option. The lack of choice to do/have certain things that would have made a certain situation a little bit happier. A Christmas tree during Christmas, a cake during a birthday, new school shoes for an elementary school student, a Chuckie drink for recess, a summer vacation and many more.

However, poverty helps us learn. Helps us see things that the rich has failed and will always fail to see. Poverty enlightens us, therefore making us better.

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Inspired by Snoopy.

I'm a fan of theater, always has been always will be. Broadway Musicals in New York of course are included. Someday if I have the money, I'll catch a show in New York and I'm going to brag about it here in my blog. Hehehe... :)

Anyway, if you guys are fellow theater fanatics you must be familiar with the musical, "You're a good man, Charlie Brown." It's quite famous and the most recent version starred Kristin Chenoweth. If you're not, that's okay. This entry isn't about theater anyway. This entry is about happiness and it will be based on a song sung in the Charlie Brown musical. For more information about the song, click here.

So, back to happiness. :) This is my own personal version, of course it would sound off if you start singing it but you get the picture.

Happiness is...

-a fridge full of food

-the smell of a new book's pages

-my boyfriend's corny jokes

-early mornings and golden afternoons

-rain exactly when you get in bed for sleep

-eating ice cream directly from the container

-cheese popcorn while watching a good movie

-my dogs all clean and playful

-ice cold coke to top a perfect meal

-friends and good conversations along with ice cold beer

-family get togethers

-riding a jeepney early in the afternoon without traffic and without hassles

-a song in a radio that perfectly matches your mood

-perfectly cooked rice

-sepia photographs

-grassy plains

-silence

-freebies

-a cheap, on sale, second hand book

-having a sister

-a choco web donut

-old antique stuff

-memory flashbacks

-sleeping besides the beach

-smiling without reason

-standing up for a cause

-love

-being alone once in a while (from the song)

or like in the song, happiness is everything and anything at all. :)

It's mushy, I know but I promised myself I'd stay positive. Look on the brighter side of life. Besides, I think it's quite fun. You get to smile while writing an entry.

So, what's your happiness? Let me know, drop 'em in my comment box! :)

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