pap pa ra pap pa... poverty.

Today's entry is going to be a little serious but it's something that I feel I must write about. It's an issue that has affected me since childhood and I hope that by writing about it, I will be able to let go of certain hung-ups that has controlled a part me.

I can definitely say that I grew up from a poor family. This is despite my family's well-off background. My Nanay and Tatay decided to become full-time NGO Workers way back when they were in college. As a result my parents did not have the usual salary. What they have is an allowance, good enough for their operational expenses.

Let me clear the air first. I am not bitter and I do not blame my parents for their decisions. It is true, I did experience hell due to poverty (which is the main reason why I am writing this entry in the first place). However, if I was given a chance, a choice to change this part of my life (financial set-up), I will not think twice and say: "Na-ah, not a chance!" Haha! :D

These are my encounters. This is poverty for me.

I've never lived in a house that is our own. We pay rent and over the years we kept on moving from one house to the next. This for me is the worst part of being poor. I used to live in a squatters area in Lapaz and every time there's heavy rain, it would flood. Flood in that neighborhood is hell. Imagine, black water with floating poop inside your living room. Fights almost every night and politics within the Barangay is a major pain. There was once a time wherein we couldn't buy water (nawasa) because the holder of the key locked the bloody gate. He said he wasn't earning enough money. No one stood up to him because he was a Barangay official. [sigh] Poverty for me means not being able to build a home because poverty will eventually find a way to mess things up.

When I was little there was a time when funds were so low even meals were budgeted. It was so low I had to eat rice with salt and nothing more. Yes, the typical movie-drama-ish scenes that you see in poverty porn, I've actually lived it. It went on for about a week. Then there was a time when boxes of 555 sardines were donated to the organization. Again, funds were low so we were not able to buy food other than rice. So, for about a month we ate sardines from breakfast to dinner. Nanay was so sick of sardines that even until now she avoids it. Haha! :D I on the other hand developed love towards it and consider it one of my many favorites.

Have you ever missed school because you do not have any money for jeepney fares? I have. I was happy of course, I was a kid and like any other kid, missing school is a treat. Hehehe... :) The next day when the teacher asks why was I absent, I would whip up some lie, like a fever. When you're young it's a little hard to put up a brave face while admitting poverty in front of your teacher and school mates. Most of us, including me, were once embarrassed. Mainly because society has this twisted notion that poor people deserves their situation, because they do not work hard enough to uplift their social strata.

Have you ever walked home after school because you were not able to stop yourself from buying snacks during recess? Because you were too hungry and the only money you have left is your jeepney fare home? I have and it's actually quite fun as long as it's not raining. I used to walk home with friends. We would cross an old bridge made from an old railway and we would be laughing all the way.

I have many more memories that shows poverty but this entry is already long and most of you might find it as a bore. Anyway, as you can see for every hell that I went through, I always gain a positive experience in return.

For me and for many others, poverty is the lack of option. The lack of choice to do/have certain things that would have made a certain situation a little bit happier. A Christmas tree during Christmas, a cake during a birthday, new school shoes for an elementary school student, a Chuckie drink for recess, a summer vacation and many more.

However, poverty helps us learn. Helps us see things that the rich has failed and will always fail to see. Poverty enlightens us, therefore making us better.

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hiligaynon blues

Kahimtangan

By: Dalisay

Naga-dulum na,

Nagapalapit na ang gab-i...

Nagasakay ako upod sa akon tiyo,

Sa iya salakyan papuli.

Mahipos sa sulod sang salakyan,

May problema, makapoy.

Samtang nagalantaw ako sa bintana,

Nakita ko ang isa ka salakyan nga pribado

Nga gulpi lang nag liko

Kag dutayan lang nabunggu-an

Ang isa ka traysikad.

Naghibi ako kag na-akig.

Nasubu-an ako

Sa kahimtangan sang traysikad drayber.

Na-akig ako

Sa mga tawo nga ara sa poder.

Nagyuhum ako...

Magabato ako,

Magabato kita!

p.s.

Pasensya, sang high school ko pa ni gin sulat. Una nga testing sa Ilonggo nga Literatura. Proud gid ako sa tula nga ni, amu na nga nag desisyon ako nga una sya nga ibutang sa akon nga blog. Para abi sa akon mabudlay mag sulat sa Ilonggo, sang naka ubra ako isa ka tula, nalipay gid takun! Hahaha! :D

Naka base sa tuod nga kabuhi. :) Natabo ini isa ka hapon sang gapa puli kami sang tiyo ko halin sa Rm9.

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yellow butterflies

I am listening to Glee's album. They are singing U2's One.

There's a dead wasp on my floor.

Carpenters are building a new house on the lot next to ours.

My dogs are barking like crazy. They are both white and furry. Their names are Spice and Lucifer.

I will have a job interview tonight at 7pm. I will also take an online exam for another freelance writer job.

I hate my Barangay, the Videoke Bar next door is driving me nuts.

I want to eat cake, donuts, kamote cue, kalamayhati or anything with lots of sugar.

I hate and love our house at the same time. We have lots of rats and cockroaches at night.

My laptop's name is em-em. My laptop is gay and he/she hates me. I think my SMART Bro is high. My connection's been very erratic.

There's a pink alarm clock on my table.

I sleep with a jungle knife under my pillow. It was made by a Tumanduk (an indigenous group found here in Panay). It was a gift from my late aunt Toto Mary Gene. She gave it to me when I was in second grade. She said I will use it someday when I join ranks with the revolutionaries. I never did, life happened.

Jump, jump, jump!

I am scared of blood. I get dizzy and puke my ass out every time I see it. I can't swallow tablets or capsules (medicine). I know, I am odd.

I do not own furniture, not one. I will build a house someday.

I like to believe I'm smart and most of the time I feel as if I am.

I hate wet weather. My whole body itches if it rains, I think it's an allergy.

I love golden afternoons. I think it is the perfect time of the day. I love to read books during golden afternoons. I've been reading Marxism after Marx. It is not a fun book. I want to buy a Kiko Machine Komix, the red one.

I am craving for cheese popcorn. I suddenly remembered Pure, a friend from UP. Hahaha!! :D UP's bird is a parrot. I love UP.

I really should stop blogging and clean our trash can. Our helper is sick, she went out to get a massage. I want to get a massage too.

I dream't about songs last night. When I woke up I thought it's going to be a great day. I was right. Music is a mood lifter.

There's dog poop outside my window. Chores are piling up. Sigh.

I love my sister. She's gonna graduate valedictorian, at least I hope she will.

I miss Henden. Horror. I should sweep my room's floor.

I have 5 new underwears. Might not mean much to others but I'm happy.

I don't buy gadgets, I buy appliances. I don't buy clothes, I buy groceries. I don't go out on dates, I buy kitchen needs.

My dog Spice is not white anymore, he's brown.

Love, love, love. Henden and I have two necklaces with wooden clenched fists as pendants. It was a gift from Tita Angie and Tita Naty when they went to Baguio.

My corkboard is filled with Ilaya's drawings and bills.

I miss yellow butterflies. They used to be so common. Now, I haven't seen a single one for years. I will use yellow butterflies on my wedding.

Henden has a yellow screw driver too. Yellow, yellow, yellow, Kris Aquino. Pfffft. My aunt likes her. I think I do too. [angal?]

I should really buy a brush for em-em and those thingiemagigs to clean him/her. I should buy flea powder for my dogs. Crisis. Sigh.

Are you not entertained? Shark's Tale.

Blog. End. Random.

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