on getting married

2012 was a horny year and I have a lot of pregnant friends to prove it. I just hope the orgasm that made their baby was un-freakin-believable. After all, there's a lot of crap to go through when you're pregnant. 

Anyway, this post isn't about big Os so I'll move on.

Since a lot of my friends are pregnant, a lot of them got married. Some didn't, like me but I know most of them are planning to tie the knot a few months before or after they give birth. 

I and H on the other hand have decided to proceed with our original plan - to get married on 2016. That would mean that I am going to be an unwed mother for at least 3 years and my baby would technically be an illegitimate child for 3 years as well. Even if both H and me are recognized as parents. 

So, what I really want to say is: am I making the right decision?

Henden and I have been together for 8 years now. We've been living together for about 5 years and we've actually been independent since then. We both have stable jobs with decent pay (decent sadly means: NOT ENOUGH). We have our own place; we pay the rent, our own electricity bill, our own internet bill and our own cable bill. 97% of our stuff was bought by us. Our TV, fridge, rice cooker, electric fans and furniture were all purchased using our own hard-earned money. So technically, we already live like a married couple. 

So, I know even without a formal ceremony we would be good parents. Not perfect but good, hard-working, responsible parents. But society doesn't think that way and I'm scared my child would suffer from my decision on not getting married yet.

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought about getting married before giving birth for legalities' sake. Problem is I can't afford a wedding. I don't have any extra cash. Everything that we have is being spent on baby needs, preggy needs and upcoming birth needs. The hospitalization alone is going to cost us Php50,000 due to my heart condition. And let me tell you, buying baby products is like highway robbery. An AVENT bottle costs about Php2-3,000.00. We had to order bottles from Wal-mart to save money.

So, next I thought about getting married before my baby's baptismal. Again, for my baby's paper's sake and for society's screwed up notion on what is proper and what is not. However, after I give birth, I would be on maternity leave which would mean I won't be earning anything. Henden would have to shoulder all the expenses for at least 3-4 months. So again, I can't afford a bloody wedding.

 Then I thought, why not skip the whole ceremony-wedding gown-wedding ring-champagne tradition? Just do a civil wedding. Just get the papers done. But would that make me happy? A wedding only happens once (until the divorce law is approved..hehe) and I really really really want a ceremony. H and I have been planning it for a couple of years now. Do I really want to throw all our plans away just like that?

I wanted our wedding to be a celebration, I wanted all our friends and family to be there, I wanted to have fun, get drunk, get really mushy while saying my vows, be all beautiful and glowy (?), I wanted a wedding that was made for the two of us. Not a wedding made out of convenience. I don't want my reasons to be: I got married because we're going to have a baby and we need the papers settled or because society might see me as a tramp for getting knocked up before marriage so I'm doing some damage control or my parents want me to or God needs me to. 

Then I thought, you can get married again, years after the civil ceremony. I also thought, who's to say it's not going to be special if there are no wedding thingiemagigs? The important thing is you both love each other, right? Then I also thought, what if I regret it? What if look back and say: why didn't I just wait? Then I also thought, why not ask for financial help from my family? But then, do I really want to look at my wedding band or engagement ring a few years from now and think, we didn't buy that or H didn't buy that, my family did. I ask you, is that okay? Your wedding band was not bought by your husband, it was bought by your parents-in-law or worse your own freakin parents. Do I want that? Besides, my family doesn't have money anyway. My parents are social workers, they don't get paid much.

The ramblings go on and on.. So, I did what any normal hormonal pregnant woman would do. I cried. Then I screamed at H then I cried some more. Then we talked.

So, why 2016? Because getting married to H is worth waiting for. Because Feb. 29, 2016 is a special date and we've chosen this date for a couple of years now. Because then we would have proven to ourselves that indeed our relationship is strong and it has survived a decade of ups and downs. Because by then I can truly say without any doubt that getting married to H is a risk worth taking and no matter what happens, I will not regret it (yes, even if it ends up in a messy divorce). 

Until then, I would have to do everything in my power to protect my baby from any type of discrimination. As for me, I've dealt with society before, I can deal with them again.

For now, H and I will have to continue to wait and work hard so that our relationship would reach our 10th year anniversary (cross fingers).

Lastly, I raise my glass of chocolate milk to all mothers & mothers-to-be out there, married or not married. I SALUTE ALL OF YOU. Your decision may not be the same as mine but I know it took a lot of courage and will power to get wherever you are now. So, a clench fist salute!