pregnancy pictures part 1 (edited)

Admittedly, I did not take a lot of pictures since I got pregnant. First of all, I did not have the time. Second, when I do have free time, I don't have the energy. Sometimes I'm just lazy. Third, I don't have my own personal camera. Fourth, I barely go out so there were no special reason to take pictures and lastly, I don't look so good anyways.

But now that I've started blogging again, I want to take and put up more pictures about my pregnancy. I still have a little less than 3 months so it's not too late, right? Besides, there are pictures of me taken by my family or H during the holidays or during some random moments of fun. So, I scoured the net, checked my family's FB accounts for pictures, my family's HDDs, laptops, memory cards, CPs, tablets (kadamu na gid ya gadgets noh?) and  H's instagram account. 

Here are the pictures that I've collected so far...

Here's a picture of my pregnancy test taken last August 30, 2012. I had it done in Healthlink, a local clinic in my city. I've been feeling sick for a couple of weeks when I got this test so I remember feeling a bit tired, queasy and nervous. The technician had some trouble extracting my blood so it took longer than necessary to get the test done. Since I'm scared of blood (I know, I know), I started sweating, then my head started to swim, everything started to turn white, I made gagging sounds and Henden started to panic. I was rushed outside the extracting room because I was going to faint. More details and I would look like a total wimp so I'll skip them. I hate blood tests. I'm going to be repeating some of my labs next month and I'm going to have an OGTT test. I'm already dreading the day.

This was how I announced my pregnancy in Facebook, taken last August 31, 2012, the day after my pregnancy test. I thought this picture would explain our situation back then perfectly. H was on cloud nine since he's been thinking about having a baby for a couple of years already and after 8 years of being together he was starting to get worried that we might have some problems. This look says: YES! MY BALLS WORK! I, on the other hand was a wreck. I was happy too but my "morning" sickness was really bad during this time so I wasn't on cloud nine YET.

Taken last September 11, 2012. Reference for the next picture below.

Taken around the middle of October, 2012. Getting fatter, as you can see my old PE shirt is getting tighter. Goal: be a whale and work it.

This was taken on Oct. 27, 2012, Ila's 3rd 9th birthday celebration. Yes, my baby sister had 3 parties. She wanted to go to to the beach but due to my pregnancy swimming at the beach might cause infections so we went to a local pool resort instead. The girl wearing a pink bikini is Motley, she now has a suplado baby boy.  :)  Jonshu cried at home one day and I panicked because when I tried to rock him back to sleep he cried harder.  :(

 More pictures from Ila's birthday.

This was taken when my family from Mindanao visited Iloilo for a mini-vacation. I think this was the day before Halloween so Oct. 30, 2012. This was my 1st time to wear a maternity dress. This was given to me by my aunt as well. H looks like a zombie because he hasn't gotten any sleep yet, he was working the night shift during this time.

This was taken last Oct. 31, 2012. Roughly, 4 months pregnant. My aunt gave me some maternity dresses and I thought this black one was perfect for Halloween. This was taken at SM City as well. Me, H, Swak, Ayek and the kids were out trick or treatin'. We went to the mall really early because we were always late before and the kids always complained that they never get a lot of candy. So this time we got our game plan on. Ayek was ready for war. *ROAR* Since we were very determined to get candy this year we made sure all the stores were maximized and we pushed the children until THEY had to give up. Going home, all the children were exhausted, the grown ups - very pleased and the baskets - FILLED with candy. Hehehe.. ^_^

This is the 1st time that I wore my maternity jeans, this was taken last November 9, 2012. My baby bump wasn't obvious yet during this time. These photos were taken at SM City, near the comfort room. Pugak and I were playing with the payphones while waiting for some of my relatives to show up. I remember that there was a city-wide black out that day and that was the main reason why we went to the mall in the 1st place. I remember using the special bathroom for disabled people and I felt really special because I can go pee while the rest of the ladies had to wait in line in agony. Hihihi.. ^_^

Flaunting my maternity jeans. Courtesy of Mr. Andoy & Nanay. ^_^

Pre-natal check-up with Doc. Ruby.  :)  I'm wearing my maternity shorts this time, very comfy.  :) Taken last November 14, 2012. Weighing 52 kilos, 20 weeks pregnant, all normal, and Tuka's heartbeat was strong.

Rocking another one of my maternity jeans. Hehehe.. I think it is the greatest invention ever! Taken last November 26, 2012.

Christmas 2012. ^_^  Christmas at home is always informal and crazy. We don't do the whole formal dinner thing. This was taken after the sack race and flour blowing competition. This year I was a mere cheerleader, I was not allowed to join the games.  :(  H too since he had to go to work. The lechon made it all better. Hehehe.. I am HUGE at this time, try to imagine my size now.  ^_^

Last day of December 2012 with my now very obvious baby bump. ^_^  Sadly, my acne started showing up at the end part of my 2nd trimester so I am very pimply during this time.  

Note: This is an edited version. Nothing much was changed really. I just organized the pictures according to their dates. H said it's better if the pictures are in a chronological order. I'm going to end this entry with a picture from December 31, 2012 that way I can start my part 2 entry with pictures from New Year's eve.  :) That's all for now...

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on getting married

2012 was a horny year and I have a lot of pregnant friends to prove it. I just hope the orgasm that made their baby was un-freakin-believable. After all, there's a lot of crap to go through when you're pregnant. 

Anyway, this post isn't about big Os so I'll move on.

Since a lot of my friends are pregnant, a lot of them got married. Some didn't, like me but I know most of them are planning to tie the knot a few months before or after they give birth. 

I and H on the other hand have decided to proceed with our original plan - to get married on 2016. That would mean that I am going to be an unwed mother for at least 3 years and my baby would technically be an illegitimate child for 3 years as well. Even if both H and me are recognized as parents. 

So, what I really want to say is: am I making the right decision?

Henden and I have been together for 8 years now. We've been living together for about 5 years and we've actually been independent since then. We both have stable jobs with decent pay (decent sadly means: NOT ENOUGH). We have our own place; we pay the rent, our own electricity bill, our own internet bill and our own cable bill. 97% of our stuff was bought by us. Our TV, fridge, rice cooker, electric fans and furniture were all purchased using our own hard-earned money. So technically, we already live like a married couple. 

So, I know even without a formal ceremony we would be good parents. Not perfect but good, hard-working, responsible parents. But society doesn't think that way and I'm scared my child would suffer from my decision on not getting married yet.

When I found out I was pregnant, I thought about getting married before giving birth for legalities' sake. Problem is I can't afford a wedding. I don't have any extra cash. Everything that we have is being spent on baby needs, preggy needs and upcoming birth needs. The hospitalization alone is going to cost us Php50,000 due to my heart condition. And let me tell you, buying baby products is like highway robbery. An AVENT bottle costs about Php2-3,000.00. We had to order bottles from Wal-mart to save money.

So, next I thought about getting married before my baby's baptismal. Again, for my baby's paper's sake and for society's screwed up notion on what is proper and what is not. However, after I give birth, I would be on maternity leave which would mean I won't be earning anything. Henden would have to shoulder all the expenses for at least 3-4 months. So again, I can't afford a bloody wedding.

 Then I thought, why not skip the whole ceremony-wedding gown-wedding ring-champagne tradition? Just do a civil wedding. Just get the papers done. But would that make me happy? A wedding only happens once (until the divorce law is approved..hehe) and I really really really want a ceremony. H and I have been planning it for a couple of years now. Do I really want to throw all our plans away just like that?

I wanted our wedding to be a celebration, I wanted all our friends and family to be there, I wanted to have fun, get drunk, get really mushy while saying my vows, be all beautiful and glowy (?), I wanted a wedding that was made for the two of us. Not a wedding made out of convenience. I don't want my reasons to be: I got married because we're going to have a baby and we need the papers settled or because society might see me as a tramp for getting knocked up before marriage so I'm doing some damage control or my parents want me to or God needs me to. 

Then I thought, you can get married again, years after the civil ceremony. I also thought, who's to say it's not going to be special if there are no wedding thingiemagigs? The important thing is you both love each other, right? Then I also thought, what if I regret it? What if look back and say: why didn't I just wait? Then I also thought, why not ask for financial help from my family? But then, do I really want to look at my wedding band or engagement ring a few years from now and think, we didn't buy that or H didn't buy that, my family did. I ask you, is that okay? Your wedding band was not bought by your husband, it was bought by your parents-in-law or worse your own freakin parents. Do I want that? Besides, my family doesn't have money anyway. My parents are social workers, they don't get paid much.

The ramblings go on and on.. So, I did what any normal hormonal pregnant woman would do. I cried. Then I screamed at H then I cried some more. Then we talked.

So, why 2016? Because getting married to H is worth waiting for. Because Feb. 29, 2016 is a special date and we've chosen this date for a couple of years now. Because then we would have proven to ourselves that indeed our relationship is strong and it has survived a decade of ups and downs. Because by then I can truly say without any doubt that getting married to H is a risk worth taking and no matter what happens, I will not regret it (yes, even if it ends up in a messy divorce). 

Until then, I would have to do everything in my power to protect my baby from any type of discrimination. As for me, I've dealt with society before, I can deal with them again.

For now, H and I will have to continue to wait and work hard so that our relationship would reach our 10th year anniversary (cross fingers).

Lastly, I raise my glass of chocolate milk to all mothers & mothers-to-be out there, married or not married. I SALUTE ALL OF YOU. Your decision may not be the same as mine but I know it took a lot of courage and will power to get wherever you are now. So, a clench fist salute!

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Broken Promise

I know, I know. I promised I would document everything, I promised I would write more, I promised I would take pictures etc. I broke all of those promises. (sob)

It's just that the first trimester was HORRIBLE! Horrible is an understatement. It was HELL! Absolute hell!

The nausea did not stop until the end of the 3rd month. I was vomiting all day. I practically lived in our bathroom for 3 months. I smelled like puke 24/7. My new best friend was our toilet bowl.

I always felt hungry and when I'm eating I felt like I'm the happiest person in the world. But that happiness is short-lived. Give it about 10 minutes, I would be rushing back to the bathroom and puking again.

When I'm not puking, I just feel exhausted. I would sometimes lie down in bed thinking I'll just relax a little, after a puking session, and the next thing I know I've been asleep for an hour already.

On the rare occasion that I do feel good, I would work. Bills aren't going to pay themselves esp. hospital bills. So, I continued to work. I wanted to resign or file a maternity leave so so bad but being pregnant and having a baby can be quite expensive so I kept on working.

That is why I broke my promises. I didn't expect it to be this hard. I always thought of myself as tough but then again no one can really prepare for pregnancy. (can they?) No one can really imagine it unless otherwise they've experienced it.

Now, I am on my 3rd trimester. So, I just want to shout it out there: I FREAKIN SURVIVED! ^_^

There. I'll post an update on my pregnancy status next time, after my "gender-check-and-is-the-baby-normal-check" ultrasound. I'm crossing my fingers that Tuka will be a girl. Henden is crossing his fingers hoping that Tuka will be a boy. We actually made a bet. I hope I'll win.

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