one social stigma at a time

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss is a liar. No one can really be who they are. No one can truly be themselves. We are all part of a society and we all follow a social contract. We follow social norms, social rules that make our lives miserable but convenient. We fear the different and we judge outcasts.

If you try and base it on Science there’s actually a logical explanation for it. According to Genetics, if you maintain a nice/civil/helpful relationship with people within your community, chances are people will help you in times of need. This will ensure the safety and survival of your genes/bloodline. So, our genes are telling us to be good to thy neighbor. :) Hahaha!

I hate social stigmas and I hate feigning care towards people whom I'd rather see dead. However, like all people in the world I am forced to do so. We all do it, at home, at school, in the office, at the market even at church (it happens). But just for fun, let’s say we can truly break free from social stigmas, that we have enough courage to alienate ourselves, here are a few suggestions to help you make a head start.

1.People are not wines. Not all people get better with age. We should totally get over the idea that old people are always wiser than the young. Most of us respect our elders out of fear and convenience because if we don’t, a gruesome sermon will follow. We are more than capable of thinking and we should be able to make decisions on our own. Remember just because they think its best doesn’t necessarily mean it’s best for us.

2.Being kind to nosy neighbors. In Philippine society, gossip is very popular. If you live in a small Barangay (it’s a Filipino term for village), gossip is very hard to ignore or get away from. No matter how hard you try to keep a low profile, people will eventually talk about you. Most of us hate nosy neighbors but do we give them a piece of our mind? No, we maintain a polite and civil relationship with them. We pretend that we are not affected and we say to ourselves that by being civil we are better than them, educated. This of course is a facade. We care and we’re angry as hell and we would like nothing more but to scream expletives to them.

3.Feigning stupidity for your boss or supervisor. Most of us have experienced this. We have all worked for dumb bosses one way or the other and most of the time, when they give out criticisms you know they’re only doing it because they can. They like to do it, it promotes superiority. So to be a good employee you pretend that their criticisms are valid. You bow down your head and say: “I’m sorry. I’ll work harder.” You pretend that you are indeed incapable of doing a good job and that you need their superior guidance and intellect to guide you. Deep down, you just want to kick their asses.

4.Giving stuff to leeches – most of which are family. :) Come on, this is true. We all love our family but let’s face it, some of them are leeches. Picture this: your sister just arrived from Hong Kong; she’s been working there for 4 years as a domestic helper. Before she arrived aunts and uncles (who live in the same Barangay) never visit your house. However, when your sister arrived they start visiting everyday. They always have excuses to come and visit. Like, they want to give you mangoes, they suddenly miss you, they need to borrow some books etc. Some are very talented actors, upon entering the house they’ll suddenly exclaim: “Oh! You’re here? When did you get back? What a surprise! I missed you!” [insert rolling eyes here] Leeches don’t deserve charity, they don’t!

5.Pretense for friends. I believe all of us are guilty of such crime. All of us went through puberty. [smirk] We’ll pretend we like a particular type of music, a fashion statement, a book, anything as long as it helps us blend in the crowd. When a friend is in trouble we tell them we care and we understand. We’ll give out fake apologies. We’ll put on fake plastic smiles and establish fake camaraderie. Admittedly some are sincere but honestly most are lying.

At the end, I still maintain my belief that none can truly show who they are unless society is changed. So, let us change society by breaking one social stigma at a time. :)

We have made laws, laws of conventional behavior, built walls around ourselves, and we can’t see them, because they’re part of our thinking. –Shevek, "The Dispossessed"